"When you called me to be a Mama, You didn't ask for perfection. But that with every breath, I'd point them to You."

Monday, January 19, 2009

"I Am"

I have a very happy little boy. He's always been happy. Though he does have his days (he's entitled - Lord knows I have them). But the last few days he has seemed especially happy. I don't know if he has discovered a new secret that he doesn't want to share with Mommy and Daddy. I don't know if his food has tasted even better lately. Maybe that darn tooth we always think he's getting (but can never see because he bites our fingers the minute we try to peak into his mouth) has finally poked through. Maybe the fact that he has been sleeping through the night for almost two weeks now (please, let that sentence not be a jinx) has ensured that he is extra alert and happy during the daytime. I don't know, but boy is he happy. And talkative. He all of the sudden is very talkative. "Na-na" is his new favorite "word." This could be for "banana" because he LOVES his bananas, and I repeat BANANA about a hundred times every time he is eating one. Or maybe he finally just discovered the letter N. But he has the sweetest little voice in the world -- especially when he's saying "Na-na." (I got to hear it all the way to daycare this morning).

I also have a rapidly maturing little boy. I don't know what it is but the other night while he was taking his bath, I looked at him and saw a glimpse of the "future" Jaden. In that moment he just seemed to grow up a little in front of my eyes. I think it had to do with the fact that he was testing the word "no" while in the tub that night. He wants to stand up in the bathtub. So we repeatedly have to tell him no -- "you might fall and get ouchy." But that night he did it about a dozen times. And every time he stood up and I repeated "no" he would stare at me, sit back down, stare at me some more and then repeat the process. But when I say he stared at me -- I mean he REALLY stared at me. Like he was trying to process every little expression on my face and every single word I said. I LOVE when he looks at me like that. It was a simple few moments that I don't think I will ever forget. It's the face I will probably remember the day he graduates high school or stands at the front of his church on his wedding day. My baby.

And much to Cody's disappointment and frustration - he is a Mama's boy. Cody says I'm turning him into a sissy. I am not turning him into a sissy. He's just at that stage. The "attachcment" stage. Last week at daycare, four days in a row, he wouldn't let me hand him over to Jami, his sitter. Today instead of trying to hand him over to her I walked him all the way into the house and sat him down by some toys. He never fussed. So that is now our new tactic every morning -- take him straight to the toys. Saturday when we went shopping, Cody was pushing him in the stroller... whenever I got too far ahead of them, Jaden started crying. Not whining/fussing... CRYING. Bottom lip pouted out and everything. Little sweety pie.

It will be a busy couple of weeks. And I am getting way too into a lot of shows now. We have the Bachelor, Jon and Kate Plus 8, American Idol (yes it's back!), Gray's Anatomy, Friday Night Lights (finally returned), Bromance (don't ask -- stupid MTV show that got me hooked), and of course, Days of Our Lives. Thank heavens for TIVO. Jaden's birthday party is this Saturday, and his one-year pictures are Sunday. Next week (on the day of Jaden's birthday) is the open house for my work, and we have a lot of staff members flying in from all over to be here. Cody's home inspection business is SO close to being up and running... very exciting. But stressful. It's been a long winter... already! I have never minded winter. But now with a little one, I cannot wait to be able to take him outside. Last summer he was too small to really enjoy the outdoors. This summer, I am already thinking of the little swimming pool we can get for him -- and the little slide/swing set we can put behind our deck. We also want to get Cody a bike and one of those little buggies you can put behind an adult bike to pull Jaden in.

I have videos from this past weekend I need to post. I will do that tonight hopefully. Until then, I leave you with the lyrics of this song -- I loved this song in high school and was reminded of it again last week.

"I Am" by Nichole Nordeman
Pencil marks on a wall, I wasn't always this tall
You scattered sme monsters from beneath my bed
You watched my team win -- You watched my team lose
Watched when my bicycle went down again
And when I was weak, unable to speak,
Still I could call You by name
And I said, Elbow Healer - Superhero
Come if You can
You said, I am

Only 16, life is so mean
What kind of curfew is at 10pm?
You saw my mistakes - and watched my heart break
Heard when I swore I'd never love again
And when I was weak, unable to speak,
Still I could call You by name
and I said Heartache Healer, Secret Keeper,
Be my best friend
And You said, I Am

You saw me wear white by pale candlelight
I said forever to what lies ahead
Two kids and a dream, with kids that can scream
Too much it might seem when it is 2 am
And when I am weak, unable to speak,
Still I will call You by name
Shepherd, Savior, Pasture Maker
Hold onto my hand
You say, I Am

The winds of change and circumstance blow in and all around us
So we find a foothold that's familiar
And bless the moments that we feel You nearer

When life had begun, I was woven and spun
You let the angels dance around the throne
And who can say when, but they'll dance again
When I am free and finally headed home
I will be weak, unable to speak
Still I will call You by name
Creator, Maker, Life Sustainer
Comforter, Healer, my Redeemer
Lord and King, Beginning and the End
I Am
Yes, I Am

Good luck Kurt Warner -- go Cardinals!!!