"When you called me to be a Mama, You didn't ask for perfection. But that with every breath, I'd point them to You."

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

last night...

Cody and Jaden wanted to go exploring and Brandon wanted to stay home. So while Daddy and Jaden walked the trails by the river looking for Bucs, Brandon and I cozied up together on the living room floor. We colored cupcake pictures together, read Jaden's library book he brought home from school and made peanut butter cookies.

And then somehow in the midst of conversation and cuddles, Brandon and I got on the topic of the day he was born. And it dawned on me that he and I had never had a conversation about it. I'm not sure he had ever even seen a picture of him in my tummy or watched videos of himself as a newborn baby. Life gets busier with that second child, and I felt a pang of guilt for not having this conversation with him sooner. He should know how special those months were leading up to his birth - how special that morning was when he entered the world (in rather unexpected fashion) and how happy his mommy was to see that squishy face for the first time.

And that's when this blog came in super handy and reinforced for me why I have maintained it all these years. I sat him on the couch, grabbed my computer and went to my little corner of the Internet -- my diaries on this blog and all the pictures and videos it holds. I clicked on the 2010 header and together, the two of us scrolled through all the entries of that year. He saw pictures of himself staring at his first Christmas tree, watched himself giggle for Daddy and that penguin puppet he used to love and heard himself coo to the froggy friend that used to sit on his baby swing. He heard mommy's voice talk sweetly to him those days of his first smiles and then he watched as his whole family met him for the very first time... being wheeled out of the surgical room in mommy's arms. He heard his name being announced to the Nana's and Papa's and he sat in awe -- an expression of somewhat disbelief on his face -- as he witnessed how much we loved him from that first moment -- in that tiny package that he was back then.

I loved this time with him last night -- explaining to him that God put him together in mommy's tummy -- because, as Brandon put it to me, "He loved me SO much!" -- stretching his arms out to the sides to express just how much.

I've never been more thankful for technology - for the ability to capture those moments and freeze time - for all time.