"When you called me to be a Mama, You didn't ask for perfection. But that with every breath, I'd point them to You."

Wednesday, October 1, 2014


On Sunday Pastor Dave said that in life, the biggest and most important things are completely out of our control.

So true and in a way, so comforting. And yet so utterly frustrating and hard for me to accept when I like to be able to control everything.

We know we have some decisions to make soon. And since we're in a good place where we're at, I'm dragging my feet making them. I've never been real comfortable with change. Especially if I can't control every piece of it. Even though when I take a step back and look at things with clear perspective, the unexpected and unplanned has usually been when the best moments and stories have been written. I guess I need to hold on to my seat and trust Him to surprise me with the destination.

And in the in-between -- in the seemingly normal day to day moments, I can cling to my role as a mother to these two humans. They ground me in what's important when I allow myself to get stuck in the weeds of insecurities, envy, fear, anxiety and uncertainty.

These are the unplanned moments of life lately. The moments that pull me out of the weeds and plant my feet firmly on the foundation of His grace and blessings. These two small children have no idea how much they teach me every day.


((we recently discussed with them the potential of having separate bedrooms. They both immediately and adamantly objected to the idea, both of them saying they would not want to go to sleep without the other. I was not expecting such strong opinions from them regarding the idea, and I could not have been more grateful to be raising these two brothers.))

(("...but these are days we dream about when the sunlight paints us gold..."))

((taking pictures of Nana and Papa's decorations with the Nintendo DS. Could it be I'm rubbing off on him??))

((they threw a small amount of leaves in the air, "had a party" and sang 'Party Rock is in the House Tonight.' They live it up each opportunity they get.))

((Jaden can get him to giggle harder than anyone else... just by being completely ridiculous.))

((they both froze in this pose at the exact same time without even planning it. Brothers.))

((we caught a salamander, thought about keeping him, caught worms and fed him by hand, named him Randal, and then decided to let him go, knowing he would be happier if he was free. It was a good night's lesson for the boys.))

((we walked through the woods for a long time and happened across a lady walking her cute little dog, trying to get him some exercise after he'd been on "bed rest" for two months with a bum leg. Within one minute of our conversation we discovered that she knew and lived in the neighborhood with my Nanny and Poppop Justis. "Oh they were such nice people. They just loved my sheltie dog. And I remember when your grandma planted all those hastas!" Everyone... everyone remembers Nanny and her hastas.))

Happy October. We've reached the 4th quarter. Finish strong.