"When you called me to be a Mama, You didn't ask for perfection. But that with every breath, I'd point them to You."

Thursday, March 12, 2015

as spring rolls in...

"We have to embrace the conflict God has put in our story. Often times, the scenes that we want to skip produce the endings we all love to see."

"Wait, my daughter, until you learn how the matter turns out." Ruth 3:18

We are happily saying goodbye to winter around here. Even though we have no idea where we're headed next.

It was a long winter, a frantic one, a stressful one. One that brought answered prayers, and yet those answered prayers have created new prayers feverishly whispered. I knew going into this process of listing our house that it would be stressful. But I had no idea how hard it would be. I had no idea how much we would be tested. As someone who thrives on plans and organization and control, I feel consumed right now by the fact that I can't make plans, our life is not at all organized and I am completely out of control. I had no idea the strain on a marriage when all your conversations center around making sure the cat litter is swept up, the bathroom sink is wiped and the kitchen floor is perfectly swept. I went to bed crying the other night, feeling like I was failing my children who have no idea where they'll be going to school in the fall and knowing how excited they are to pack up and move. Jaden is tired of sleeping on the top bunk, Brandon wants a fully paved driveway to ride his bike on and I want to be able to put to use all the moving boxes people are starting to donate to us. And holy cow, the emotional roller coaster. One day we're fine... knowing God's got this and that we must go through seasons of struggle and growth so that beautiful new flowers can bloom. The next day we're grumpy and scared and frustrated and exhausted because our patience wears thin. Spring blossoming around us definitely helps, as fresh air and warmer sunshine does a spirit good. But it also makes us more antsy as we face the looming deadlines of school registrations and extremely long work hours for Cody.

We're doing our absolute best to keep things normal for the kids. Thankfully they go with the flow much better than we do. Kids are awesome that way. Jaden knows he's changing schools but doesn't care. Brandon knows he's starting kindergarten in the fall, but right now all he can think about is when the Falls swimming pool is going to open again. Because of them, we take it day to day and are reminded constantly what really matters. They're healthy. And they're happy. And this season of uncertainty will pass.

Our final pictures of winter. The snow is almost all gone now, and we've spent every night outside this week. My camera is loving it.

This is life right now. And we're doing our absolute best to swim our way through it. Even though right now it feels like we're swimming entirely against the current. I cannot wait to reach that sandy beach.

In the meantime, I don't know what He's doing, but I know who He is.