"When you called me to be a Mama, You didn't ask for perfection. But that with every breath, I'd point them to You."

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Nights without Daddy

"I've wasted a lot of time thinking glory lives in the big moments of our lives. But on nights like this I know in my bones that the glorious ordinary is the best kind of big." – Lisa Jo Baker

This time of year is nothing short of exhausting. Good in so many ways but so grueling at the same time. Cody's hours are tremendously long and unpredictable, dinners are usually late or eaten without him, and I more often than not go through the motions of the mundane bedtime routine flying solo - filling up bedside water glasses, making sure little ones go potty, brushing teeth and tucking in tight and saying prayers and kissing goodnight. But it's these days that also leave me feeling the most fulfilled by the time the sun goes down. Like last night when another typical 4:00 text came through from Cody that he would not be home for dinner. A thrown together dinner plan, a five year old that always has a rough hour between 5 and 6 and had to be placed in his room for a good half an hour before he finally pulled himself out of it. Wet fresh paint on both front and back doors from an afternoon project completed by a dear friend. Reading homework to be completed by our seven year old who has absolutely had it with the school year. Three loads of laundry to sort through, a stack of mail forgotten about and what seems like never-ending uncertainties still plaguing us and weighing on us. But then the 9:00 hour hits, the house is quiet, and I sink into the sofa knowing we managed another day. And by 10:30, when I decide to head to bed, I'm already missing them. Sneaking into their room to get a peek and give one last unnoticed tummy rub and one small kiss on the cheek of a slightly snoring little boy. It's all for them. And we're doing okay.

Some images of our recent "date nights." The last images of our April. Those nights when it's just me and my boys. Pretty soon these nights will include the pool, and we just can't wait!



This one graduates preschool next week, and every time the thought enters my mind my heart skips a beat and I have to catch my breath for a moment or two. I'm not ready. He is. But I'm not.