"When you called me to be a Mama, You didn't ask for perfection. But that with every breath, I'd point them to You."

Thursday, August 20, 2015

the season we're in


"Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently, He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself." (C.S. Lewis)
 
I shared this quote on this blog back on January 26th of this year. We had just stuck a For Sale sign in our yard and all was uncertain, a little bit scary, but also very exciting. This quote had been printed on a church bulletin we received one Sunday morning in September of last year and had been sitting on top of a pile of papers in my desk drawer ever since. I knew back then that it was a sign of change coming. I thought I understood its meaning for us. Now knowing what I know, and having lived what we've lived through this year, I realize that my initial understanding wasn't quite on point. Yes, it's relevant for our lives today, but in a different way than interpreted all those months ago.

Our house didn't sell. We pulled it off the market at the end of July, and it's been a rocky couple of weeks of trying to figure out where to go from here - what to do next. We got our hopes up a couple of times during the six months it was listed, and really thought God was pulling a rabbit out of His hat on the day we pulled the sign out of the yard, as we had an interested shopper look at it that very night. That interested party has since disappeared, and our emotions have been all over the place. We didn't waste much time getting a second and a third opinion, as we at least wanted to have a plan for moving forward, even if our plan doesn't initially involve doing anything at this point. We sought council and guidance from someone we trust and do indeed now have a plan in place. But the immediate plan is to wait and do nothing right now.  Which is probably good because one of the MANY things we've learned through this journey is that when you do make plans, God usually has His own set of plans at work. And His plans trump ours.

It's not been an easy year. It's been a year full of blessings, absolutely. We've had a fun summer and made countless memories and life is still very good. But we have been challenged and stretched and experienced highs and lows that we weren't expecting.

But presently, He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of ...

We're disappointed but not out. If anything, my faith has only grown stronger, as I have pulled closer to Him to try to make sense of such great disappointment. I believe wholeheartedly in His plan for us even though His did not line up with mine this time. And yet there's so much to be grateful for and so much to look forward to. There's this Fall season ahead of us, watching my boy play football games every weekend, picking pumpkins and filling our cozy home with the sights and smells of the time of year we love most. There's the holiday season that awaits, visits from far away relatives, my parents building their new dream house and our new plans off in the distance. And in the immediate future there's next week - a week away from work - a week of time with my boys doing both big and small things - before they start school the following week. Before we start a new chapter. Life changes so quickly - so often. And there's much to find joy in.

And as my dad told me on the phone last night, "You will get there eventually. It's just going to take a little longer than any of us had expected." I just keep thinking of how good it's going to feel when we reach that place. How much we will appreciate it and how much we will have learned along the way.

Know what the first two things that popped up on my phone were today? On my Instagram feed, this reminder:
"Waiting on God is not only difficult. Sometimes it seems impossible because we live in a culture that demands everything now or even yesterday... Many of you are growing weary, frustrated, and even becoming doubtful to the point of giving up because the wait is discouraging you. You're believing in God for something to change that is taking longer than you expected... You're beginning to wonder if He is listening. God's timing is perfect and since He is perfect we can have joy in the waiting."

And on my blog feed, a post titled, "God is Always on Time."

I believe in signs. I believe in these signs. I believe that He is still working on us, through us and for us. And I believe that when God delays, He always delays for a greater purpose.

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A few snapshots of the past week. Can't wait to load my camera up with my boys next week as we say goodbye to summer...