Dear Cody, Jaden and Brandon,
In just a matter of days, our whole world will change. The fabric of our family will look different. It will be complete - no more missing patches or frayed edges. The baby girl that was always meant to be will finally join us and turn our world on its axis in the most beautiful of ways. This was always in the works - always the plan from the beginning of our family's story. God set it in motion the moment Mommy and Daddy met, though we obviously didn't know it back then - nearly 12 years ago now. For the past few years, there have been prayers... about this decision, about this time, about this baby. But ultimately it wasn't up to us. Though I truly believe that God put this desire on my heart because he meant for me to do my part to carry out His plans for us.
And as these days of pregnancy come to a very near end, I have felt restless and anxious and a little guilty. I have been tired and energy-less and unable to craft together the type of summer I would like to for my boys that are already here. And then this small whisper lays it on my heart that I am doing the most important work I can right now. I'm doing His kingdom work. That taking care of me and this unborn babe is exactly what He wants from me in this time and place and season.
But for the past eight months, I've written weekly letters to this baby girl. Now it's time for a letter to you three.
You all have taken the brunt of my feelings - both physical and emotional - over the past near nine months. The brutal all day sickness that struck me for longer than the first trimester, the heart burn that wouldn't end, my exhaustion that struck at the beginning of the third trimester. Cody, you have given me my nightly injections of blood thinner since week 12 - you have watched me bleed at your hands, seen me cry when things have been extra painful and did the dirty work of taking care of your wife and unborn child in ways that most people don't have to deal with. You have put up with my extreme nesting, exasperated by the fact that we got pregnant just a few months after moving into a brand new house - helping with basement construction and nursery beautifying - all in the midst of starting a new career outside of the home that has demanded your attention and management on a whole new level. I have not been the easiest person to live with these past few months, but you haven't faltered.
Brandon, you have shined in your big brother role from the very beginning - just as I knew you would. You have loved your baby sister in an unconditional way that is so beyond your young years - especially since you have yet to even see her face. You have talked to her and kissed my belly and read books to her and crafted pictures and nursery decor for her and prayed for her and asked about her and anticipated her every single day of these past eight months. You have been our baby for over eight years now. You and I have always had a special bond, and this new addition does not break that - it just strengthens it. I am already so thankful for all of your help that you have been and will be with your baby sister, and that little girl has no idea how lucky she is to have you looking out for her. I love you so much, and I am so proud of you. Thank you for putting up with me.
Jaden, the dream started with you bud. You made us a family - you made me a mom - and you were the light of our lives and our world from the moment you were born. If anything, you growing up as much and quickly as you are has only made our wishes and our desire to have another baby that much stronger and deeper. It's gone too fast with you, bud. And as you grow, our parenting has had to grow along with you. You seek independence yet still crave our love in new and different ways, and we're learning how to walk this line as we go. It's not always easy, and I know you are sometimes frustrated with this in between age you currently find yourself in - but you continue to make us so proud with how you conduct yourself amongst your teachers, your teammates and your friends. You continue to be our quiet leader, and I can't wait to watch you lead your sister through her adolescent years. She is going to look up to you so much, and I have a feeling she will be your biggest cheerleader - in life and on the playing field.
We're entering our final weekend just the four of us. It's been just us four for so long, that it sometimes is hard to imagine what it's going to be like when our number grows. I don't know all that's ahead - there will be chaos and sleepless nights and lots of dirty diapers and hectic schedules and demands. But above all, there is going to be so much love, our home might just burst from it. I love you three very much - you are my dreams come true.
